Therapy for First Generation Children and Adults

Cultural differences made relationships challenging.

Nisha* has always felt like she didn’t quite belong. Her parents immigrated to the U.S. from India for higher education, and she was born in Massachusetts.

While growing up in the U.S., there were times when Nisha felt ridiculed by the kids at school for having parents with accents.

When invited to friends’ houses, Nisha’s parents would not always allow her to go. Her parents felt that, as immigrants, it was hard to know who to trust. Her parents were trying to protect her.

But not assimilating made it challenging for Nisha to make friends at school – her peers saw her as different, even strange.

Parental control was an issue.

There were other areas of Nisha’s life that her parents tried to control when she was a teen, including the selection of friends, her college choice, and her career path.

Romantic interests were never something Nisha could discuss with her parents – this issue was a closed door.

Not having control over these critical aspects of her life impacted Nisha’s self-esteem. She did not trust herself to make any decisions.

And when the instinct arose to rebel against her parents’ choices for her, she felt shame and regret.

Learning to navigate without her parents’ opinions started in college.

When Nisha was in college, her newfound freedom from the influence of her parents was tricky to navigate. She could finally choose her friends and learn what her interests were.

Nisha found herself at college parties trying to figure out how to handle underage drinking. Balancing peer pressure with the high expectations from her parents was a lot to take at times, but she found her way.

In college, Nisha found pockets where she felt she belonged, but there were times when no one seemed to understand how lonely she was.

Parenting became the next challenge.

Nisha is now married with her first child. She loves her parents dearly but wants her daughter’s childhood to be different than hers.

Unfortunately, Nisha repeats the parenting patterns she had growing up. And now she often argues with her daughter.

When a friend invites her daughter over, Nisha’s first instinct is to say no. She asks, “What would this even look like if I let her go? What will they do together? Can I trust them?”

Finding a different way of parenting is hard for Nisha, especially with no role models to emulate, but she knows she wants something different for her family.

Therapy made a difference for Nisha.

When Nisha found her way to therapy, she knew she wanted things to be different between her and her daughter, but she did not know where to start.

We began by exploring Nisha’s experiences growing up. She learned that she still holds shame from her childhood related to judgments placed on her by peers, family, and other adults in her life. Once Nisha identified the root of this internalized pain, she started healing.

With curiosity, mindfulness, and a nonjudgmental environment, Nisha learned about unhealthy patterns in her life and new ways of coping with life’s stressors.

Through therapy, Nisha now feels empowered to find a new path forward.

You can find your path forward, too.

Nisha’s new perspective incorporated all parts of her identity. She has released the instinct to hide away elements of herself that may not be acceptable and has learned to appreciate her differences of opinion and perspective. She feels more confident in her relationships and hopeful about her family’s future.

First-generation parents and children face challenges like Nisha’s. Therapy made a difference in Nisha’s life and family, and it can help you work through navigating both of your worlds and their conflicting expectations.

Are you ready to take the next step to learn what’s holding you back? The more we understand ourselves, the more connected we can be with others.

Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation.

*To maintain privacy, Nisha represents a combination of client stories rather than an actual person.